Dear Boys,
I’ve not written you a letter in a while, but I have been updating our adventures on the blog. Christmas has come and sadly gone. It was my best Christmas ever, seeing the excitement and surprise in your eyes boys was magical. Christmas Day at home was lovely and Boxing Day at my mum’s was a great way to spend family time together. Moving forward we just went to bed on New Year’s Eve, I couldn’t bear the thought of having to get up on New Year’s Day after only a few hours sleep! At midnight I was woken by the fireworks so rolled over to wish daddy a happy new year. The year started on a high with us all spending some time together as thankfully daddy had time off work.

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Boy you have been growing so fast again, I’ve just submitted your school application. I can’t believe that you’re going to school in September, where has the time gone? I hope we get our first choice but we won’t find out until April now, so all we can do is wait. You’ve made me laugh so much recently with the things you say. The other day you were playing kitchens and offered to make me a smoothie, I gratefully accepted so you went off to make it. Bringing it back to me I asked you what was in it. After doing your thinking face (rolling eyes to ceiling) you replied “Raisins, macaroni and errrr…….sausages!” I’m sure that would have been lovely….not!
I nearly cried laughing listening to you in the car the other day too, we’d had fun counting and as we got to 100, you said “100 uh that’s stinks!” that wasn’t even the funny part,although I did laugh a little, following your lead I said “Oh yes 100 really stinks doesn’t he”. A few minutes later you started talking to yourself quietly in the back of the car this is what I heard, with all the parts spoken by you:
– Awwww what the matter 100?
Somebody said I stink
Who said you stink?
*whisper* Mummy said I stinked
(Shouting at me) Mummy that’s not nice, 100 is sad
I was nearly crying laughing at you telling me off for saying 100 stinks, you had started it all! You’ve also started being a bit cheeky and calling me a “silly dumpt” when something’s not going your way. I’ve had to tell you not to call me a dumpt, whilst trying not to laugh. I don’t know where you got that one from!
This last week you’ve had tonsillitis again, when you speak you sound like you’ve got cotton wool stuffed in your mouth. It’s not been too bad when you’ve had some pain relief but my heart hurts in the night when you wake up crying and I can’t get to you because of Flixster. Daddy always goes to administer cuddles and more pain relief but it hurts me when I just want to scoop you up and cuddle you all night long. I think we’re over the worst of it now and back on the up, hopefully you can get back to nursery tomorrow and a bit more of a routine rather than spending the day in pjs stuck in the house.

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Flixster you’ve just turned 9 months and I love you so much but you continue to frustrate me with your sleeping or lack of it! All evening we are up and down stairs to you unable to have any time to get anything done. I noticed this week your first tooth popping through. It’s a top one which I didn’t expect first and it looks like a big one so I think you may have rabbit teeth like mine! I’m desperately hoping things improve with your sleep soon, I’m not sure how much more I can take.
I’ve started back at work this week so you’ve had your first full day in nursery. I tried not to think of you most of the day so that I didn’t get upset. I think it will have been quite a shock for you as you’re such an attached baby, but we have no choice, I have to go back to work. I picked you up and the ladies said you’d been unsettled at times but at other times you were ok. I hope you settle in soon, for now it’s only 1 day a week so at least I still have you for 6 days. Your brother seems happy there so I hope in time you will be too. Even when I go back to my usual hours in April you’ll only be there for 3 days a week so I’ll still see you for 4 days. I know you’re safe there so that settles my mind.

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Looking forward through the year, we’re hoping to have many great family times. We already have a short break planned to Center Parks in March with Grandma and Grandad, it’s the one we had to rearrange after we found out you were due in our lives so it’s been a long time coming since we booked it a couple of years ago! I hope we have some good weather again this year like last so we can spend some great times on the beach near Grandmas house in Lytham. I see many a picnic to be had this year. With you starting school boy we won’t be able to have any autumn breaks this year so maybe we can for something in over the summer if finances allow.

I’m looking forward to another year watching you grow together boys and making lots of lovely family memories.

Please always remember I love you unconditionally ….forever.

Love Mummy x

This is my first time joining in with a photo project that has a specific theme. I love that I have a focus, something to capture. I have known about the various photo projects run by Lucy from Dear Beautiful blog for quite a while, I have long admired hers and other peoples pictures posted each month. In particular I admire my friend Jenny’s (Let’s Talk Mommy) pictures as I love to watch her beautiful children grow both in real life and on her blog. With the start of a new year I thought it was the ideal time to join in so that I can look back in another years time and watch how my two boys have grown. So my first picture is part of the #siblings photo project. A photograph of my two boys together…..riiiiiight! This is a challenge in itself. The boy won’t keep still and when he does then Flixster is moving around. Or the boy won’t even pose, or he hugs Flixster across the face, or sits on him etc etc and so it goes on. I’m not sure that my pictures are particularly good but they do capture us, in our moment! As you can see…..

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I do however have a favourite from over the Christmas period, this was them on Christmas Eve with their matching christmas pjs on from the Christmas Eve box.

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I’m so proud of the boy and how he has adapted to life as family of four in 2014 year. He has welcomed Flixster into our life with open arms and for the most part seems to love him (except when he’s crying). Flixster adores his big brother and his face lights up when his big brother enters the room. Flixster laughs at the boy being silly and encourages his cheeky side. I hope that the coming year sees them grow a strong bond as brothers which will continue a lifelong friendship for them both.

 

 

 

 

dear beautiful

Well that’s it’s now the application is in for my baby to go to school.

In the end I went with my heart rather than my head. The school we’ve applied for as our number 1 choice doesn’t have the best ofsted in our area but it does have a warm friendly atmosphere when you walk into the building. The staff seem genuinely friendly and welcoming and most importantly the children seem happy. I’ve been round the school a couple of times and both times the older year 6 children have been doing the tours rather than an adult which has been nice because you know you can ask them questions and get truthful answers. The school I thought may have been our number one choice there was no chance to ask the children what they thought. The open evening was mainly based in the hall with a group of the senior staff talking about how great the school was. I’m sure that’s true but I want to see the reality of everyday school life.
The school I have chosen as our number one choice is also our nearest by disgrace which is handy as I picture myself (on the days I’m not at work) walking to and from school for drop off and pick ups rather than having to use the car. I’m also helping the distance will help with getting a place.
In our area (I’m not sure if the same applies everywhere) you have to rank three schools in order of preference, you can choose less than three but three is the maximum. I have chosen three that I would be happy for the boy to attend, with my favourite being number 1 on the list. I now have to sit back and wait until April 16th before I know the outcome. I was talking to a friend the other day who said the results of the application tend to go on just after midnight so it looks like I won’t be getting any sleep that night!
When I thought about having children I didn’t think ahead to school time, I guess I never pictured them beyond babyhood really. It’s seems strange to think that I’ll be that mum on Facebook this year putting on school uniform pictures. I’ll be that mum walking him to school for the first time and walking away from the gate without him. Being an August baby he just seems so little still. Only just 4 when he goes thorough those gates for the first time in September. I hope he copes ok with the transition to school. He does go to nursery 3 days a week so he’s used to an environment filled with other peers. Lately however he’s started not wanting to go each morning. I hope this doesn’t carry through to school. I think he’ll cope ok with the day itself as it’s shorter than nursery. We gave up his afternoon nap almost a year ago so I also think he’ll be ok concentrating during the day. Although he often has a post lunch slump it’s never more than 10 minutes or so and its more than likely the food rather than his need for a nap. He truly is full of energy he really is.
So let the waiting begin, everything is out of my control right now, I just have to wait…..

I’m going back to work next week. I’m think I’m supposed to feel sad that my maternity leave is over and worried that Flixster is starting nursery. The truth is that I will be worried about Flixster but I’m quite looking forward to returning to work. I’m lucky that I like my job I work with a great team of people. I’m also lucky that I’m not returning five days I’m going back to the 3 long days I did after the boy was born. Flixster will be attending the same nursery that the boy goes to 3 days a week. I really like the nursery, it’s in an old cottage and feels homely. The staff are nice and the children seem happy there. So I know that he’ll be looked after, its just hard at first to picture him away from me. I will try my best not to think to much about him, not because I don’t care but because I don’t want to upset myself. there is no other way at the moment, I have to go to work so he has to go to nursery. We don’t have family close by who would be able to have them and even if we did it’s a big commitment to have children for three days each and every week, when you’ve already worked all your life and are now retired.
I’m looking forward to being back at work so that people call me Jane and not just “Flixsters mummy”. I enjoy the challenge of work, something different everyday. Its rewarding as well to know I’m helping people. I know it sounds daft too but it’s me time, time when I can think about something other than housework, feeding and nappies. Time to use my brain and give it a workout.

I’ve been for Flixsters first trial at nursery today, we went to the baby room for an hour and I stayed with him. He seemed ok but he was sat with me for the whole time so he had no reason to be concerned anything was out of the ordinary. Tomorrow I’m due to leave him at lunchtime for around 90 minutes. I’m sure he’ll be fine, but only time will tell. I hope he settles in quickly and that he understands as best he can that we’ll always be back to pick him up each evening. I’m expecting him to catch all sorts of illnesses though in the next few months, it can’t be helped when they start nursery. I’m just hoping that his immune system is nice a strong to cope with them all.

He’s still breastfed so I’ll be sending milk in with him for the nursery to give him. I’ve not started pumping yet so I’d better do that soon as he starts properly next Wednesday. I’m going to have to pump at work too as he feeds lots during the day and I don’t want to stop feeding him yet.

I’m not sure how I’ll cope with the tiredness when I’m back in work, he still feeds lots of times through the night, I guess I’ve got no option but to cope. I just hope he starts sleeping a little more in the evening soon or I’ll be spending all day at work and then the evening trying to settle him, which will mean I never get anything done.

I hope the next few months aren’t too turbulent for us as a family but I’m not so sure they are going to be easy sailing for us either. I guess only time will tell!

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This is my first time linking up with ‘Point and Shoot’ link. I love photography, I’m not great at it but I try. I mainly use my iPhone camera as the quality is so good but my hubby has a fancy slr camera which I plan to learn to use properly this year! (Just another thing for the list of things to do!) So for my first time join in I’m using a snap of the Flixster from this weekend. Just a quick shot which we took while he was sat on daddies knee no long after he woke from his nap in daddies arms, hence the pillow face creases! We didn’t get up to much this weekend at all, feeling the pinch of maternity leave pay (i.e no pay!) we are trying to stay in a bit more and play with all the lovely things we got for Christmas rather than going out all the time and ending up buying food and drink out which always adds up easily!
So here it is my point and shoot offering!

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As part of my weekly list post to focus myself, at this special time of year I’d like to do a mainly gratitude focused list, I have so much to be grateful for in life and it’s important to remember this everyday.

Gratitude – This Week

1) Boys – I count my blessing everyday that I have two wonderful healthy little boys. We truly are blessed to have been given the gift of the two of them. They brighten up our lives each day with their smiles and giggles. Of course they are hard work too but work every sleepless night.

2)Husband – He works so hard for us as a family in a job that at the moment is a challenge, he comes home and helps out around the house with housework and the boys. He puts up with me day in day out and I know I can be a challenge! He loves me unconditionally and is always there for me when I need him to be my rock.

3) Our Home – We have a roof over our heads, which is safe, warm, cosy and comfortable, which is far more than many people in the world have.

4) Food in our tummies  – We are thankfully in a position to be able to feed ourselves each day

5) Our Families – We have supportive family around us who help out if they are needed, we love them all dearly and are grateful to  be close to them.

6) The boy went to the toilet all by himself upstairs, did everything alone and also washed his hands.

7) Flixster pulled up all by himself in the cot to standing – the little monkey is growing so fast

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Funny things the boy has said this week

1) “Mummy why did the chicken cross the level crossing? Because he got hit by a train and it was an ouchy and he died.”

(I wasn’t sure how to respond to that??)

2)”Mummy why did the chicken cross the waffle maker? Because he wanted to get squished and be a waffle…and die”

(Again there’s a theme here….)

3) Bolcano – “Mummy its not volcano with a V its Bolcano with a B” – He’s insisting that its Bolcano and there’s no telling him otherwise

So it’s a short post but it makes me realise again what I have in life and that I certainly have nothing to moan about.

 

 

 

 

 

Mums' Days

When the boy was a baby over 3 years ago, sleep time was a massive source of anxiety for me. I’d not had much experience of babies and I certainly wasn’t prepared for how little sleep was involved. Other people had warned me but I never really knew what sleep deprivation was like until I had a baby! The worse piece of advice ever given to me was “Sleep when the baby sleeps”

YEAAAAAAAHHHHH RIIIGHHHHHTTTT!

So the few minutes that he decides to nap if it’s not when I’m driving then it means the only time in the day when I can eat, drink, go to the toilet, tidy up a few things as the house usually looked like an explosion in a nappy factory. So sleeping when the baby sleeps in my case was impossible. A couple of my mummy friends were blessed with sleepy babies, meaning I hardly ever saw them awake. Now that really would have been like a ‘dream’ for me! I had the opposite, my baby was always awake! Like always! He’d occasionally nap in the pram if I was pushing it – so again no sleep for me! And if I dared to stop pushing it then he’d be wide awake again…..within seconds. The same with the car, he’s eventually fall asleep and as soon as the car was stopped, even at traffic lights then he’d be awake. It was whilst reading a baby book when the boy was little that I came across the idea of using white noise to help babies sleep. So I got an app on my phone and tried it one day, it certainly had a calming effect! The problem came of course that it wasn’t just the boy who could hear it, it was everyone. And the second problem was that it was my phone. I needed the phone so couldn’t leave it in the pram or in his bed at night, I wish the Gro-hush had been out back then!

When Flixster came along I was prepared. I was prepared for the lack of sleep this time, I was prepared for the lack of daytime napping and so I embraced it. Instead of worrying about when and how he was going to nap if he looked tired I’d pop him in a baby carrier or sling and let him nap on me whilst I got on with regular everyday stuff and while he was still small this worked like magic. It was great to be able to know where ever I was I could just pop him in the carrier and he’d have a nap. No he’s older though I’d really love him to go for naps in his cot so that I can do things a little easier. I’d also like him to sleep in his cot at night, which he currently doesn’t as we co-sleep.

I am however not open to the idea of cry it out or any type of ‘sleep training’. I am and always will be a gentle mummy who believes in patience and very gentle ways to help my babies sleep. I know in time that this phase with Flixster will pass and until then I will be there for him whenever he needs me. At night-time we have always had white noise playing beside the bed from the phone so he is used to hearing that sound. When I was offered the chance to try the Gro-hush it made perfect sense to me. I loved the idea that it was portable and especially that only he would be able to hear it, I didn’t actually believe that claim but having tried it quite a few times now I can testify that it’s true. It really can only be heard by the baby and no one else! It comes packed inside a lovely travel box which is not much bigger than the unit so would fit easily into a changing bag. It uses 3 x AAA batteries to make it work which aren’t supplied with the unit. They are fitted under the removable cover and you’ll need a screwdriver to install them. I was pleased to see the soft cover is washable, a great feature in my opinion. Its super easy to operate and only has three buttons with an elastic strap to hold it gently to babies ear.
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I didn’t even need to read the instructions to see how it worked. There are a choice of three sounds, white noise, heartbeat and rain on a tin roof. Once the button is pressed the relevant button is illuminated by a gentle white light and the sounds begins playing, once pressed the sound then continues for 10 minutes before stopping and the unit turns off.

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Now for the big question – does it work?
It’s called the Gro-hush baby calmer rather than a sleep device and I think this is a genuine description. It really has managed to calm Flixster down. I’ve been giving it a good try over the last few days in various situations. As Flixster has been getting a little moany and groany the way babies do when they are tired, sometimes crying a little, I have reached for the Gro-hush putting it up to his ear and the distraction combined with the soothing sounds has given him the opportunity to relax himself and gently ease him off to sleep. It’s certainly shortened the time its taken him to drift off. I love also that it’s so portable. I’ve been able to use it in the car at times when I am unable to pick him up for a cuddle. At the moment I sit next to him in the back seat when we travel as without being able to see someone he screams, so it was nice that when he got a little upset I was able to soothe him gently while still continuing our journey.

 

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Blurry action shot!

I love how soft the brushed cotton cover is and I know given the level of sound that it’s not doing his ears any damage. I have certainly been surprised at how well he’s taken to it. The Gro-hush can be used perfectly safely from birth, I think it would make a great new baby present and I wish I’d know about it back when Flixster was a newborn, I think it would have made the early night times a little easier. Even while using it on my lap one night this week I was still able to hear the television, something I wouldn’t be able to do with other white noise. It’s far easier than trying to use an app on the phone that’s for sure!

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I was given a Gro-hush for the purpose of this review but most importantly the opinions are truthful and all my own.

Breastfeeding its a journey!

If you’ve read any of my other posts about breastfeeding you’ll already know that before I had the boy my stance on breastfeeding was quite neutral. I thought I’d give it a go and if it didn’t work then I didn’t think I’d be that bothered. After all there are other options out there.

So when he came along I carefully tread on the first steps of my breastfeeding journey which took me to feeding him to around 18 months and I’m now feeding the Flixster who is 8 months.
But what’s it really like? A question I often get asked by pregnant friends or mums to be that I meet. I’ve thought about the answer and there isn’t just one answer I can give. Its beautiful, easy, hard, amazing, lazy, cuddly, addictive and fabulous all at the same time.

It certainly wasn’t easy for me to begin with. As with all new skills it has to be learned. Baby is born knowing how to find the breast and how to suckle. If you haven’t seen any videos of a newborn’s first breast crawl (yes they really can crawl to a breast all by themselves when they are born) then go and have a scout around youtube. There are some amazing tear jerking videos showing newborns finding their own way to the nipple once placed skin to skin on a mothers chest. For mummies however its a skill to be learnt and getting a good position and attachment of baby is key to everything. In years gone by this knowledge was passed from mother to mother, but in recent years this skill has been lost which is why breastfeeding peer supporters, volunteers and specialists are vital in the success of mothers who may be having a difficult time, or may be in pain whilst feeding. Getting that right position and attachment is everything. With that skill cracked I’d say you’d be well on your way to a successful feeding journey for however long you chose to feed for.

The Early days of Breastfeeding

The early days of feeding aren’t just about the right position and attachment they are also about establishing a good milk supply for the baby. Babies are born with tiny little stomachs that can’t hold much milk, which is why they feed so frequently. The milk may be of little volume at first but it’s of such great value to the newborn, packed with everything they need to survive. Don’t think that because you are feeding so little and often that you’re not making enough milk for baby. Newborns feed so often because they need to, because their tiny little tummies can only hold small amounts at a time. When the boy was little I’d set myself small targets. First I wanted to get to 10 days, then two weeks then four weeks. People would tell me that if I could get to 6 weeks then I’d have broken the back of feeding and things would get easier. They weren’t wrong. Six weeks seem like such a long time away when you have a newborn and you’re surviving on very little sleep, but in the grand scheme of things it’s such a short time.
So fast forward to now, I’m quite an experienced breastfeeding mum and peer support volunteer. I love breastfeeding because I’m quite a lazy person when it comes to routine jobs, I love that if Flixster needs milk there’s no washing and sterilizing of bottles. No boiling up the kettle then waiting for it to cool again and finding the powder to add. Theres no need for me to think ahead to how long we may be out of the house for and how many bottle I need to take. Anytime he needs a feed I just lift my top and latch him on. There’s not, as many people think any need to expose anything, as long as you plan ahead slightly with your outfit then its pretty easy to feed discreetly if you need to.
The thing I love most though about breastfeeding is the feeling of love you get when you feed, the oxytocin high not long after baby latches on. It must be the same feeling people get who are addicted to exercise, I wouldn’t know though, I’d love to find time to exercise, I miss running. I love looking down at Flixster who’s hand is usually waving wildly or stocking my face gently knowing he feels comfortable and at home whilst feeding, he feels safe and secure, it’s the one place in the whole world that he is most familiar with. He’s so tiny still just 8 months and he’s not going to be feeding forever, so for now while he still does I’m going to try to remember every single minute because before I know it (and I won’t know when) he’ll have finished his last ever breastfeed and it’ll all be in the past.

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