EU Referendum in the UK – Trying to explain it to a 4 year old

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We are fast heading towards the UK’s EU referendum and unless you never read the news or go on the internet you’ll prob be aware that it’s a straight forward leave or remain vote. There are two choices stay as part of the European Union (EU) or leave the EU.  The question on the ballot paper will apparently be worded as “Should the United Kingdom remain a member of the European Union or leave the European Union?”

So you’d think having just a 50/50 choice I’d be some way to making a decision. I am not.

I am struggling with finding unbiased answers to my questions. The information that I have been given has been provided (and funded) by one camp or the other and feels very much to me like worst case scenario situations.

This morning we were watching Good Morning Britain before school and there was a short story relating to the referendum. This brought about questions from my 4 year old. He’s a pretty smart 4 year old too. Now it’s harder than you think to explain the concept of the EU to a 4 year old, who is still struggling with the enormity of the UK, world and universe! The best way I could think of to explain it was to tell him the EU is like a gang and our government, of the UK (he knows we live in a place called the United Kingdom) are asking all the grown up’s if we want to stay in the gang or leave the gang. He thought about it for a moment and then returned with the question

“So Mummy, what will happen to us if we leave the gang……and what will happen if we stay?”.

He’s hit the nail on the head! That’s it! I need to know what is really likely to happen if we stay in the EU and what will happen if we leave, I want to know from every angle. How will it affect me as a women, as an NHS employee, as a family, how will it affect our children? I’m struggling to find unbiased clear information so how can I make an informed choice. I need to know cold hard clear facts not opinion to make my choice in the EU referendum and in this case it really makes a difference. All too often facts and opinions get muddled up and easily believed.

If I can’t explain the pros and cons to a 4 year old I definitely can’t make my own informed choice.

EU referendum

Reception Class – Reflections of a Mum

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Reflection on Reception Class Year at School

Once again time has passed very quickly and I can’t believe we are already two terms into reception class year at school. That’s two-thirds of the way through, past the halfway mark and some.

At the start of the year little did I know he’d be starting a new school all over again for term two. He loved his first school very much and I was worried about the change unsettling him all over again but he coped really well. He did a great job of just getting on with it, and is as much a part of the class as any of the other children. Even adjusting to a shirt and tie rather than polo t-shirt was thankfully very easy!

Parents Evening –  We had a parent evening at his old school as well as one at his new school very recently. I was such a proud mum when the new teacher explained how well he is doing. All I have ever asked is that he tries his best with all that he does. It doesn’t matter to me if he’s not top of the class, it doesn’t matter where he comes or how long it takes him to complete a task as long as he tries his very best. He is doing really well though with his reading and writing. I used to worry that being an August baby would leave him lagging behind his peer group, I don’t need to worry at the moment. I’m proud that his teacher thinks he’s very ready for year 1 and some much more serious learning. I don’t get thought why the fun and the playing have to stop when they leave reception. I’m sad that he’ll be much more classroom based, he loves learning outdoors, what a shame that the government targets mean that all of a sudden after reception class ends it’s time to sit down all day instead of stepping outside to learn.

As this week a whole new cohort of parents will learn of their child’s school placement, there will inevitably be some tears as well as much happiness I think back to this time last year and can’t believe how far he’s come. Although he will always be my baby he has grown up in so many ways. Ways I hadn’t even thought of. He’s independent and becoming more confident each day. As his teacher pointed out he still struggles with friendships but seems happy playing alone and she thinks it may be that his vocabulary is a little more advanced than his peers so he prefers the company of older children than those of his own age group. If she’s not worried then I’m not either. I’d love for him to have some close friends to grow up with but I’m sure this will come in time.

If I had any advise for those parents that will this week learn of their child’s school it’s to cherish these last few months before school starts. Cherish them as they are now and before they change. Cherish the time that you have with them as once school starts they do change as little people. Little people who grow up all of a sudden very quickly!

So now as we face the start of the summer term, the last term in reception I will probably be sat here this time next year thinking about how once again my little boy has grown and changed. Time once again is speeding by and I will try to cherish every single day.

Reception Class

First day at new school (pre-glasses!)

Let's Talk Mommy

My Son needs to wear Glasses – Why am I so sad?

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What a shock we had last week when we went to the hospital appointment to find out our son needs to wear glasses.

Our eldest boy is 4 years old, he started school in September and changed schools over the Christmas break (due to our house move) on the first day of term in his new school they rang me to get verbal consent for him to have his eyes tested. I gave consent and of course thought no more about it assuming all would be fine as he’s never complained of any problems with his eyes and seeing things. That evening he brought home a note to say he needed a non-urgent hospital referral and to ring to make an appointment which I did. Still believing that he probably didn’t really understand the test at school or was shy of saying the right letters we waited 3 months for the appointment. Last week we went to the hospital and he had some more tests. I had expected that they would just make him read letters like an adult eye test but they actually used some drops in his eyes to dilate the pupil then held what I assume were lenses up to his eye to look through and assess what prescription he needed.

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I work for the NHS and I don’t like saying bad things about people who also work there but I wish they’d explained it a little better to me, because I couldn’t understand why suddenly he had a really strong prescription when he’d never said anything before. Thankfully a really helpful gentleman at Specsavers when we went to collect the glasses did explain it to me so I’m grateful for that.

Choosing Glasses

And so with prescription in hand off we went to choose some frames. Now if you’ve ever had the experience of choosing frames with a 4 year old you’ll know what I mean……yes that. He did not really want to pay much attention, the lovely lady helping us tried really hard to see what fit his face and which ones didn’t but and guide us to frames that suited him. He was not really that interested! To be fair to him it was getting late and he was hungry too! So with the promise of a treat tea we finally settled on a few pairs which would take a week to come into store.

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The next week we returned to collect them. This was the hardest part for me. I knew the prescription was quite strong but I guess I hadn’t really thought ahead to how this would change his appearance. When he was trying on the frames with just the plain lenses he looked super cute and stylish but the first time he turned to look at me with his prescription lenses on I could have cried. I didn’t. That was not my boy, his appearance had totally changed. Of course I knew inside it was still him but it just didn’t look like him. I don’t know why I felt such sadness but I wanted to write about it so that anyone going through the same would understand that it’s normal to feel this way. All of a sudden the face I was used to seeing was gone and a different face was there. I know he hasn’t changed one bit and he still looks just as lovely, I know the glasses are what he needs but it was just a shock I guess. I keep telling myself that I’ll get used to it, it’s just a different version of normal for now. I love him just the same as always, in fact more each day. I think it’s just taking me some time to get my head around the fact that all these years he’s not been able to see close up things very well. On the evening we picked up the glasses as we were cuddling at night he noticed (I guess for the first time) that I had as he put it ‘tiny red lines’ in my eyes. I could have cried again, for the first time he’s noticing the small things in life and I know that it’s for the best.

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Blog On Icebreakers from a First Timer!

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So this year I’ve decided to take the plunge and attend my first “Blog Conference”. So many people have told me how good Blog On conference is that being right on my doorstep (well in Manchester only a short train ride away) I thought it’d be a good starting point! I often attend conference and trainmen days for work so I’m no stranger to the usual format. This is different however, this is me, doing something as me, for me. Now that doesn’t happen often! I’m so looking forward to all the learning and networking (something that I’m great at in a work capacity but feel pretty scared of when it comes to blogging) There are just so many great blogs out there that I love reading that I feel so tiny and small compared to them. I doubt anyone will have heard about my blog! Which is why I have chosen to take part in the Blog On Icebreaker hosted by Chelsea Mamma. So here goes nothing…..

Share a recent picture of you

IMG_3498 IMG_1863 I’ve shared two very recent shots, one was just yesterday when I took my youngest out for a bike ride to feed the ducks, and the other one was during half term with my eldest at Longleat Safari Park.
If you had to describe yourself in three words…….

Happy, grateful and busy
How long have you been blogging and what made you start?

I’ve been blogging for about 20 months, so it’s all still very new to me. I was inspired to start by my good friend Jenny who blogs at Lets Talk Mommy, we have been friends since our eldest were very little and they were born only 2 days apart!
What was your favourite TV program as a child?

It’s hard to say, I used to love Saturday morning television as my mum worked a Saturday job and so my brother and I used to enjoy the television – Going Live was a hit in our house! I also used to love ‘Round the Twist’ and at school I remember being fond of ‘Through the Dragons Eye’ which I have now re-watched on YouTube, the wonders of todays technology!
Something interesting you might not know about me is . . .

I was on Good Morning Britain earlier this year for a feature about the election and I loved it because I got to take my boys to London, my eldest still talks about his time in the studio now.
What is the weirdest food you have ever eaten?

I’m not sure, I like oysters, I’m not into anything weird I suppose as I don’t really like meat so don’t try anything like that. I love anything from the ocean and will try anything once.
What was your biggest fashion faux pas?

Wearing clothes that were too small for me in my teenage years, I was bigger back then and didn’t know how to wear things! *cringe*
What are you pet peeves?

I hate people who don’t wash their hands after being in the toilet or before eating…yack…
Who would be your 3 perfect dinner party guests (dead or alive) and why?

My Grandma would be my first, she died when I was very young and there’s so much I would have loved to have asked her and chatted to her about now that I’m all grown up, plus I would have loved for her to meet my hubby and my children. My second would be ****
If they made a movie of your life, what would it be about and which actor would play the part of you?

I think it would be about my teenage years, battling my weight, learning to be me, finding my feet and my voice and discovering happiness. I don’t know who would play me, it’s a really hard question, give me more time to think about it!
If you could live in any sitcom, which one would it be?

Hands down Sex and the City, it’d be ace. I love New York, I’d love to have the fashions, the lifestyle.
Name a famous person you have met

Geri Halliwell
Which social media platform best describes your personality and why?

Pinterest, I absolutely love it, I can be sucked in for hours and hours!
What picture do you have on lock screen on your phone / computer?

On my phone I have a picture of my eldest in his uniform on the first day of school last year with a massive grin on his face and his shirt poking out everywhere, it was after the day had finished!

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How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I don’t know, I used to own loads, less so now, but I couldn’t tell you. At a guess I’d say 22(ish give or take……)
What period of time from the past would you most like to have lived?

A time when I could have worn great big skirts and beautiful dresses!
If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Bali
What is your guilty pleasure?

Wine, I only drink on a Saturday night as Sunday is my lie in. Each week have a Saturday night date night and I enjoy a glass or two of wine.
What is your favourite tipple?

See above! Lol. I do love wine though. Over the last 10 years I’ve moved to red wine but more recently in the last couple of weeks, I’ve rediscover a few nice whites.
If you had a magic lamp and a Genie, what would be your three wishes?

Right now where I am in life it’s have to be:

  1. For hubby to get a job, something he really enjoys doing that’s a challenge.
  2. For my boys to grow into lovely young men, who are kind, caring and well-rounded, who try hard in everything that they do.
  3. For us to be happy and healthy and loved.

Finishing Breastfeeding – Our Journey is over – A letter to my son

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Finishing breastfeeding is it really over?

Dear Beautiful Boy,

I think our breastfeeding journey is over, I think we are finishing breastfeeding and I didn’t even realise it was our last feed, if I’d have known I would have paid  more attention. I’d have savoured the moment, I’d have gazed into your eyes for that final time. I’d have carefully remembered the touch of your tiny hands on my chest, the way you ever so gently stroke me. I’d have taken photograph of us together, the last ever time.

I know I will quickly forget what it feels like to feed you, I did with your brother. That feeling I get when you latch on, I’ll never feel it again.

I may never ever breastfeed again and it’s making me so sad inside. I don’t know if there will be any more babies, I realise how lucky I am to have two. After almost two years of being able to comfort you when you were sad, help you to grow into the person you are, offer you tailor made antibodies on demand. Make you feel close to me, help you drift off to sleep and go back to sleep in the night. Being able to fill your tiny tummy when you were born, feed you whenever you asked me in the special way that only I could, and now its over and I’m grieving for something I have done for so long.

When you were born we were inseparable for hours, we spent almost 12 hours skin to skin, I was getting to know you and you were getting to know what it felt like to be in the outside world. You were teaching me how to breastfeed again. You were so small and vulnerable yet I could give you everything you needed.

For a year we bed shared, I would often wake to realise that you had woken and were feeding. Helping yourself to make yourself feel better, food, a drink, a snack or just to know I was there for you. Sometimes I’d wish that you’d feed less in the night so I could get a little more sleep, but those times seem so long ago now and in so many ways I wish I could have just one more night of breastfeeding and cuddles. But I can’t, I will never again feel that, we won’t have a chance to turn back the clock and be just us feeding together in the still of the night.

I am so grateful to have been able to feed you for so long. I am so grateful for all the help and support I received in the early days. I will be forever grateful for each and every feed but I just wish I knew it had been the end.

I will now dry your tears when you hurt yourself with kisses and cuddles instead. I’ll hold you close and rock you back to sleep in the night but we won’t breastfeed. I know it was the right time because it was your time. You chose to stop, you no longer wanted it, I just wish you’d given me some small warning. I will take comfort from it being your choice. I’ll look back with fondness on the pictures I have of us feeding. I know I am very lucky to have a photo of your first ever feed, the first time we connected in the outside world.

Finishing Breastfeeding

For now though I’m feeling sad about missing my oxytocin high, I know in a few months I’ll look back, feel proud and have a happy heart for the time we had together. I know our relationship has changed and we have lost that connection but it just signifies the start of the next chapter.

Just remember I love you forever and always

Mummy x

Life at Speed – Where does the time go?

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I’m here to write a post and check in on my blog but I find that yet again so much time has passed. I don’t know where the time goes. I know I have two young children, a full time job and quite a lot of other weekly commitments so I suppose thats where the time goes . There’s so many things though I want to fit in. I suppose I find it hard at the moment as Flixster is still getting up everyday at around 5am so by 8pm I’m ready for bed. This leaves very little time in the evenings to get much done. Some evenings I make myself go and do some exercise (running or a class) but even this doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. I almost wish there was an extra day in the week, I am definitely not the first to wish this and won’t be the last. I know things will one day change again and hopefully I’ll be able to stay up later and still have some sleep, but right now time is very precious. So for the time I do have I will be grateful for every minute of it, even if I don’t get enough of it!

Breastfeeding in the News – The Lancet Breastfeeding Article

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baby sling

Over the last day or two Breastfeeding has come back into the news again. I will make no apologies for offending anyone with this post. I am not here to offend, I just wanted to put some of my thoughts down .

So I haven’t read the Lancet Study that has been published this week, I have read the headlines and listened to the news.

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So most of the headlines told this story – Breastfeeding could cut child deaths.

Breastfeeding Saves Lives – Study found

If I told you there was a special food that you could give your children which had amazing effects and was taylor made for them then I’m sure you’d want to try some too, yet of course when you go to the comments sections of these headlines it always brings out both sides of the story.

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Wow – the words inadequate and dictatorship were used in this comment.

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Ok so who are these “brestapo brigade” that you are commenting about? The person who published the article in the Lancet is a scientist who has carried out a study on the benefits of breastfeeding, I don’t think the scientist set out to try and make people feel bad or bully anyone.

As a breastfeeding supporter myself I have never ever judged anyone for the way they choose to feed their child. If you choose to use formula, thats ok by me. If your don’t want to try that’s ok too. I totally respect a women’s choice to feed their own child however they wish to. But it’s those mums who want to try, who struggle, who don’t know whats normal and whats not that I want to help. It’s those people who need the support form the start of their journey. It’s those mums who through no fault of their own don’t have the gentle help of their own mums guidance as we would have years ago because we’ve lost those skills to pass on. Its the mums that don’t have the support and wanted so much to breastfeed that end up believing this “brestapo brigade” really do exist. I don’t judge people when I see them using formula but often they judge themselves. Mothers are still free to make their own choices but with more support (and more money for support instead of less) perhaps we would have more mums breastfeeding and less mums being internally heart broken at struggling to feed.

I think this comment  from Sam Smithi sums up a lot about feeding too

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“the amount of advertising for formula milk, it’s in your face, so I tend to go with that.” This tells me two very important things, firstly if breastmilk was advertised than would more mums chose this? We know it never will be because no one has the money to pay for breastmilk adverts – theres no money in it (unless you count the 20million that the NHS may save!)! Secondly more importantly the advertisement of infant formula is banned! No where will you find an advert for formula for 0-6month olds, the formula companies do a very good job of making you think it is but actually all the adverts are for follow on milk, not infant formula. Maybe I should do an advertising campaign for breastfeeding past 6 months (sticking to the advertising code!) and see if this increases the uptake, but in all honestly the only thing that will increase breastfeeding rates its putting more funding into breastfeeding support and perhaps a generation from now mum will be able to help their own daughters and granddaughters once again.

Breastfeeding

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Breastfeeding Bleb – My Experience…Ouch!

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Breastfeeding Bleb – Ouch!

Breastfeeding Bleb -What is it you might ask? Well thats what I would have said too a few months ago! Although I volunteer at a local breastfeeding group and thought I knew a fair bit about breastfeeding problems this was a new one on me.

How it started

For a couple of weeks I’d started to get a few pains inside my breast, sometimes it was after a feed, sometimes just at a random time in the day. Often these pains would be a shooting type of electric shock pain. Flixster is 20 months so I knew it wasn’t his position or attachment as I checked and double checked he was on correctly. The pains would track back inside the breast, and sometimes really really hurt. The sort of pain that would wake me in the night. A few weeks before the pain I’d noticed a white part on my nipple, it was tiny, really small. (Sorry I don’t have any photos!) It looked to me like a part of the nipple that didn’t have any blood flow. It didn’t look like a blister as I thought it might after I looked up blebs. I wish I’d taken a photo now to show though. It was not what I thought a bleb would look like. It was almost like a small section of the nipple that had just gone white.

How I found out it was a breastfeeding bleb

After describing the pain to a lactation consultant she instantly said to me I was describing a bleb. A bleb! I’d not come across it before. I asked advice on how to get rid of it and she gave me a few options but the one that she said usually works the best is to get a needle and either try to pop it or try to scrape it all off…… yes thats right a needle…..yes I ran a mile too. She explained to me that a bleb is a blockage at the end of the duct and the pain I was experiencing was the breastmilk tracking back behind the blockage. The pain was not something I’d experienced before, a pain that woke me at night was not a pain I could ignore!

After I’d thought about it (and I’m not a needle phobic) and experienced the pain again, I decided to give it a go. I had a sterile hypodermic needle and gritted my teeth and tried to pop the bleb. I thought that would be it, I thought it would be gone. It wasn’t. I was however pleased to find out that trying to pop it hadn’t hurt. I thought it would be painful but thankfully it wasn’t so I got a new needle and tried again a few days later. This time I gave it a good scrape, it did bleed but most importantly it didn’t hurt. After I had dug it out (yak) I feed Flixster to try and get him to clear the blockage. I was still in pain but I knew that hopefully this was just the backed up milk leaving the breast. The following day the area had scabbed over and it took a few days before it was completely healed. The bleb had to be the most painful breastfeeding experience I’ve had. I am thankful that most of my breastfeeding journeys have been relatively smooth. Both boys had tongue tied but never caused me as much pain as the bleb did! Thank goodness by scraping it all off I solved the problem. If you’ve had experience of a bleb then feel free to contact me.

breastfeeding bleb

 

2015 Gratitude List – I am so Grateful for so many things

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Beamish Father Christmas

2015 Gratitude List – Grateful for so many things

2015 Gratitude List……So today is the last day of 2015 and I have so much to be grateful for. As a family we’ve had an amazing year, so many highs and thankfully not too many lows.

I want to make a list not to boast but to remind us as a family how far we’ve come and all we have to be grateful for. By focussing on what we are grateful for I can see things in a positive light and continue to move forward and grow as a family together in happiness.

House Move – This was the biggest thing to happen to us this year, we put our much loved house up for sale, had an offer the next day, went to see our now home the day after and made an offer ourselves and for four months after that, things dragged on with many highs and low. But we made it, we finally made it, in late November we moved house and we are in love with our new home. It already feels like our forever home and I am so grateful to live here.

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Working with Good Morning Britain – Early on in the year I was involved with a project that Good Morning Britain were doing about the way people voted for the general election. I was an undecided voter and so they followed me throughout the election campaign to see how I made my mind up. For me the experience was amazing and the boy still has fond memories of our trip to London. I loved every minute of the experience and am very grateful that I was able to take part.

Good Morning Britain

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Work – I have an almost full time day job which I don’t really talk about on my blog, I work for the NHS and this year has brought so many fabulous opportunities to get involved with projects and new opportunities. I started the year telling myself that I would throw myself back into work after maternity leave ended and take every opportunity I can to say yes and get involved and its been a fabulous year. I am also very grateful to work with such a fabulous team, my line manager and manager are wonderful people who I really enjoy working with and under.

Family – I am and will forever be grateful for family. This year although our family hasn’t expanded like it did the year before! But we have grown in other ways. We have grown in love for each other. We have grown closer as a unit. We have grown stronger and learnt so much about each other.

2015 Gratitude List

Husband – I am grateful for such a loving caring man who is my other half, the milk to my coffee, the reason to my daft ideas, the calming influence when I’m on the ceiling. He is my best friend and makes me whole. He is always there for me and I cherish everyday we have together

2015 gratitude list

Children- I am so grateful for the boys, the bring sunshine everyday, even when it’s raining outside. The teach me so much about myself. They bring me so much joy and happiness, I love them so much, I just want to spend so much time hugging them. This year they have both grown so much, the boy started school ( how did that happen so quickly?) and Flixster started nursery when I went back to work. I can’t express how grateful I am for them both in my life.

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I have so much to be grateful for I could go on for quite a long time but I’m keeping it short with the main things in my life to be grateful for. I truly am thankful for so much, I feel blessed to be so happy in life. Thank you universe, thank you.

I hope 2016 brings us and everyone we know many more things to be grateful for, if you look hard enough even the greyest days have some sunshine, you just need to look hard enough to find it.

May 2016 bring health and happiness.

Jane

 

 

Moving Home! We’ve finally moved, I can’t believe how lucky I am!

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Moving home, its been on the cards for the last half a year. I can’t believe it that we have finally moved house! I can’t believe how lucky I am. It’s been a very stressful few weeks. We moved last week after months of living in boxes tipping between actually moving and having the completion date changed, changed and changed again. We are in! I’m in love with our dream house. Unfortunately the first weekend was spent just trying to hold it all together as both hubby and Flixster were struck down with a vomiting bug (nice…..) We’ve also not had any internet which has been odd. I’m beginning to feel a little more human again after not much sleep for days and trying to catch up with myself coming backwards. The house is a complete mess but I’m so happy we are in our forever home. It still feels like a dream. I have loads of blog posts to catch up on but for now I’m just trying to find some kind of new normal, so that I can find time to sit down and write.

I just want to express my thanks to the universe for providing such a wonderful home for us, at the beginning of the year hubby and I listed exactly what we would have liked from a new home and I set about manifesting it, and now I’m sat here in the very home of our dreams. I honestly can’t believe it. Am I dreaming? It was as predicted a really emotional goodbye to our previous home as I suppose lots of people moving home feel, but this was balanced out by the excitement of arriving at our new home. When I have more time I’ll be blogging about the experience of moving home, if only to reflect on everything for the boys and to tell them the story of our move. Flixster won’t remember his first home and birth place when he’s older so I just want him to have something to look back on.

Thank you universe.

 

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Moving Home