We are well in to 2015 now, already 9 days in! I haven’t specifically done a post on new years resolutions as they are just so hard to keep. I thought the better thing to do would be to write a list of goals that I would like to achieve this year. Something I can keep referring to and if its written down then at least I feel more accountable. Something to work towards. A year is a long time, 365 days to get things done, make memories, share love and cuddles. 2015 is a big year for us. The year I have to buy school uniform for the first time, the year I return to work, the year Flixster turns 1. We have so much to be grateful and thankful for and if life stopped now and we continued forever stuck in this moment then I’d be a happy person. But life goes on and I like to have things to work towards. So here it is, my list of things I’m working towards in 2015.

1) Lose my baby weight – I know it’s on most people’s lists but this year I have to do it. I don’t want to be the fat mum at the school gates, I want to feel proud to stand there when he starts school. Knowing I’ve worked hard to get rid of my baby weight once and for all!

2) Save some money – Whilst I’ve been on maternity leave our savings have been depleted and so I feel a little uncomfortable that we have no emergency fund in case of emergencies. So once I’m back at work I’d like to start saving again

3) Get back to running – I got to a point before the boy was born that I had started to enjoy running a little bit. I’ve never been a runner. I was always the last person in the school cross-country. I was never picked for running on sports day (thankfully!) so I just thought it wasn’t for me. However before the boy was born I had started to use one of the couch to 10k apps on my phone and I actually saw results from it. For the first time in my life I was doing it, I was actually running. So I’d like to get back to that. I know I’ll have to start right back at the beginning again. But I want to do it and the sooner I start the better.

4) Do things when I think of them (i.e. don’t be lazy) – I often see little jobs that need doing and most of the time I will do them but sometimes I’ll put them off and then regret it later on or the next day. This year I plan to be a little less lazy and do things instead of letting them slip.

5) Remember birthdays – I’m so bad at sending birthday cards and presents. I seem to remember a month before then forget until at least a week after the event. That’s not good enough. I really really must get them sorted this year.

6) Speak to the universe more often – I believe in speaking to the universe, I’ve read lots of books about cosmic ordering and subjects like that. I know many people are sceptical, some laugh at the idea. But I think there’s something in it, I don’t know what it is and I can’t get my head around it, but its something. So I’m going to be practising it more often.

7) Learn more – If there’s something that peaks my interest, I’m going to make a point of learning about it. An active brain is a happy brain!

8) Be less harsh with myself – I’m my own worst critic

9) Be kind to everyone I meet – Everyone is fighting some unseen battle

10) Smile and laugh more – On the whole I’m a positive person but sometimes things get on my nerves like mess and untidiness, I need to learn to let go a little and smile when things aren’t quite right, or exactly how I’d like them to be!

 

 

Mums' Days

I’m going back to work next week. I’m think I’m supposed to feel sad that my maternity leave is over and worried that Flixster is starting nursery. The truth is that I will be worried about Flixster but I’m quite looking forward to returning to work. I’m lucky that I like my job I work with a great team of people. I’m also lucky that I’m not returning five days I’m going back to the 3 long days I did after the boy was born. Flixster will be attending the same nursery that the boy goes to 3 days a week. I really like the nursery, it’s in an old cottage and feels homely. The staff are nice and the children seem happy there. So I know that he’ll be looked after, its just hard at first to picture him away from me. I will try my best not to think to much about him, not because I don’t care but because I don’t want to upset myself. there is no other way at the moment, I have to go to work so he has to go to nursery. We don’t have family close by who would be able to have them and even if we did it’s a big commitment to have children for three days each and every week, when you’ve already worked all your life and are now retired.
I’m looking forward to being back at work so that people call me Jane and not just “Flixsters mummy”. I enjoy the challenge of work, something different everyday. Its rewarding as well to know I’m helping people. I know it sounds daft too but it’s me time, time when I can think about something other than housework, feeding and nappies. Time to use my brain and give it a workout.

I’ve been for Flixsters first trial at nursery today, we went to the baby room for an hour and I stayed with him. He seemed ok but he was sat with me for the whole time so he had no reason to be concerned anything was out of the ordinary. Tomorrow I’m due to leave him at lunchtime for around 90 minutes. I’m sure he’ll be fine, but only time will tell. I hope he settles in quickly and that he understands as best he can that we’ll always be back to pick him up each evening. I’m expecting him to catch all sorts of illnesses though in the next few months, it can’t be helped when they start nursery. I’m just hoping that his immune system is nice a strong to cope with them all.

He’s still breastfed so I’ll be sending milk in with him for the nursery to give him. I’ve not started pumping yet so I’d better do that soon as he starts properly next Wednesday. I’m going to have to pump at work too as he feeds lots during the day and I don’t want to stop feeding him yet.

I’m not sure how I’ll cope with the tiredness when I’m back in work, he still feeds lots of times through the night, I guess I’ve got no option but to cope. I just hope he starts sleeping a little more in the evening soon or I’ll be spending all day at work and then the evening trying to settle him, which will mean I never get anything done.

I hope the next few months aren’t too turbulent for us as a family but I’m not so sure they are going to be easy sailing for us either. I guess only time will tell!

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This is my first time linking up with ‘Point and Shoot’ link. I love photography, I’m not great at it but I try. I mainly use my iPhone camera as the quality is so good but my hubby has a fancy slr camera which I plan to learn to use properly this year! (Just another thing for the list of things to do!) So for my first time join in I’m using a snap of the Flixster from this weekend. Just a quick shot which we took while he was sat on daddies knee no long after he woke from his nap in daddies arms, hence the pillow face creases! We didn’t get up to much this weekend at all, feeling the pinch of maternity leave pay (i.e no pay!) we are trying to stay in a bit more and play with all the lovely things we got for Christmas rather than going out all the time and ending up buying food and drink out which always adds up easily!
So here it is my point and shoot offering!

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Yesterday I spent most of that day packing up Christmas. It was sad. I can honestly say that this year was the best Christmas I have had as a grown up. Seeing the magic through the eyes of a child is wonderful. The excitement building, the belief that magic is happening, it truly as fabulous. For weeks I was building up to it. I’m a very Christmassy person anyway. I love everything about it, the magic, the wonder, the waiting, the carol services, the meaning behind Christmas. Just everything to me is fabulous. So it was very much an anti-climax to be packing it away. I tried to just have in my mind that it was only temporary and that we will have an amazing year between now and next Christmas but I was still sad inside.
The saddest moment came when I accidentally smashed the boys special bauble, the one I bought him for his first Christmas, it was hand painted and said “My First Christmas 2011” on it. I cried, I was so sad to lose that one particular item, of all the items its irreplaceable. The boy saw me crying and came over to comfort me, it was very sweet. It was sweet up until the point he said –
“Don’t cry mummy, I’ll cheer you up with a big trump” then he went to fetch his new whoopee cushion “I’m going to do a big trump now” and proceeded to flop down on the whoopee cushion. I had to laugh, and I may not have the bauble to hold and look at each year any more but I certainly have the memory of his actions.

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This year was the first year I have ever cooked Christmas dinner. I’m lucky that I have a hubby who loves cooking, which is doubly lucky as I dislike it. I’ve tried to like it, I just don’t. I’d rather have a clean and tidy kitchen than a cooking mess, but that’s just me! Anyway I did it, I actually cooked it all by myself and it was a success. I learnt things too that I will apply for next year. I will prepare the veg the day before, as it will allow me more time with the children on Christmas morning. I will also lay the table and do as much as I can on Christmas eve so that I only spend minimal time in the kitchen away from the family.

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This year I left it to Christmas eve to see Father Christmas. We booked and went to Gullivers World on Christmas eve. Lets just say we won’t be doing that again.

I have absolutely adored having hubby home for the crimbo limbo time. We have spent much-needed time as a family together. Its been just perfect, I will really miss him on Monday when he’s back at work. Although I myself am back at work in two weeks after maternity leave so I have plenty to think about to keep myself busy. I have to get Flixster settled in nursery in the next couple of weeks, which I’m dreading as he’s such a velcro baby. I hope to goodness he settles ok, trying not to think about it now though. I also have to get the school application in for the boy before I go back to work too. Another thing to keep me busy! We still have two days left together though as a family so I’m going to make the most of it and enjoy every minute.

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Christmas this year was also a time to reflect on the past year, what a whirlwind it has been for us. A new person in our lives. Dear family and friends we have lost were also kept close to our hearts in the hope they are looking down upon us and enjoying it with us. This year for us is full of promise, things we’d like to do are stuck on our fridge in a list in the hope that the universe will provide for us if we believe and work hard enough. However whatever happens and whatever road we take I know that as long as we have each other we can get through anything.

I hope that if you’re reading this 2015 brings you health and happiness whatever path that you are currently travelling on. 2014 was an amazing year for us with many highs and thankfully only a few lows, I hope that 2015 can only get better.

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I can’t be the only one whose baby just won’t sleep in a cot but why does it feel like it every night while I’m sat in the dark staring at the cot face patting and singing to a crying baby.

Pick up – He’s fine

Put down – He starts screaming

Pick up – He’s fine again

Put down – He starts screaming

Repeat, repeat, repeat

What am I going to do?

Two weeks ago today we decided it was time to try to transition Flixster to a cot. All I was hoping for was a few hours in the evening that I could get on with some housework, or blog, or go to the gym, or for a run.

Since the day he was born I have co-slept with him, every single night I am there for him at every wake up, and they usually happen every two hours throughout the night. I follow the safe sleep guidelines and he’s breastfed so I feel that our sleeping arrangement is what suits us best. However now that I am returning to work I really would like for him to spend some time in the cot.

I’m against the ‘cry it out’ method of just leaving him alone in the dark to cry. It’s not what I believe in. I want a gentle transition to his own bed. I can’t bear to hear him screaming and crying thinking he might be scared and feel lonely, which is why I sit next to the cot night after night. I thought that after two weeks of consistency we would have seen some improvement. There was one night he slept from 7pm until 10pm. I thought we might have been getting somewhere but he’s not done it again since. That was around the third or fourth day.

So here we are two weeks later and stuck in the same cycle. I still get no evening, I can’t get anything done. I’m beginning to feel pretty suffocated by it all. I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know what I’m doing right or wrong. He’s almost 9 months now. I didn’t expect this. His brother was sleeping in his own cot by now with no fuss. We used to give him his milk feed, put him in bed, read a book and then he’d settle himself off to sleep peacefully no fuss.

So do I carry on trying? Will anything change, or do I give in and have to sit with him on my lap every night after his brother has gone to bed, getting nothing done?

I just don’t know where we go from here.

 

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Since my boys are still so young, just 40 months and 8 months there are going to be many ‘firsts’ for them. I want to make sure they are documented so that we can look back on them together in years to come. So I’m kicking off this series of posts with one about the boys first time Ice Skating.

Where – Bolton Town Centre

When – 14th December 2014 (Daddies birthday)

What – First Time Ice Skating

We booked the ‘Slippy Sundays’ toddler session a few weeks ago and so with tightly crossed fingers for the weather to hold out we set out towards Bolton town centre. I had explained to you lots of times that we were going ice skating so that you were prepared for what to expect. We turned up a little early and got your skates on, they were double bladed ones that had to be strapped to your own shoes. I got my skates on too and the cheerful guy who was working there offered you a penguin to push around for balance. While we waited for our time on the ice to begin you noticed the penguin only had one eye so we decided to call him ‘Blinky’!

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At 10 o’clock it was time to get on the ice, with a little nervousness we stepped on. I have been ice skating quite a few times before and although I’d prefer to be skiing I quickly got my ice feet back on.

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Once we’d been around once we got the hang of going a little faster. You were shouting over to daddy “Mummies teaching me how to skate” I could have hugged you so tight then. I kept checking you were ok and you kept replying that you were having a fun time.

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There weren’t enough penguins for each child so we had to share them around. Being able to hold your hands up gave my back a rest.

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We came off the ice a little before the end of the session as I think you had had enough and I wanted to end on a high before either of us fell over! So that was it over in a flash you’re first time ice skating and you’d loved it!

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Love you xxx