My Emotional Child

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When I thought about myself as a parent before I had children, I always thought about the sort of parent I’d be. Would I be strict? Would I be gentle, or would I get all shouty? I never thought about what sort of child I’d have.

The boy is now 4 years old and has been in school for half a term. Being his mum obviously I know him inside out. I know what motivates him and what pushes him away. I know what he loves and doesn’t love. I know he’s a very emotional child.

He has masses of empathy for other people. If he sees someone being told off or being treated unfairly he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like loud noises, or shouting. He always knows when I’m sad, even if I’m just pretending, even when he’s busy doing something else. He gets very upset watching sad things on television, he fights back tears.

I have never told him to not be so sad, I always give him cuddles when he feels like that, and I have certainly never used the words ‘Man up’ because it’s not who he is. But I sometimes struggle to explain it to someone else.

How do you explain the complexities of an emotional child in a  couple of sentences to someone you’ve never met?

Sometimes I just say he’s an emotional child, sometimes I try to explain he has a lot of empathy. Sometimes I say nothing and just let people come to their own conclusions. I just don’t want him to get hurt by anyone. It would break my heart if anyone ever told him to stop crying or man up, or if they told him it was silly to cry.

I want him to be who he is, true to himself, not having to hide his emotions. I want him to keep his empathy and to understand other people’s feelings.

I love him for exactly who he is and I don’t want him to be changed by others who think he should fit a different mould.

Pumpkin Patch – Our First Time!

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Last weekend we packed up the car with all the paraphernalia you need for a day out with small people and headed to our local ‘Pumpkin Patch’. We’ve never been before. My beautiful American friend Jenny from Let’s Talk Mommy has a yearly tradition with her children and when she was young of picking pumpkins. I guess over here in England its never been that popular before. When I was young pumpkins were of course available in the shop to carve and I remember buying one sometimes to carve. There was one year that my dad carved the pumpkin and my mum made a pumpkin pie…it was awful! I have since found out that pumpkin pie is in fact a delicious dish so I have no idea what my mum did that year!

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Before we had children I used to dread halloween, I hated being disturbed by trick or treaters so we’d always just go out instead to avoid it all! However once again children have changed me and I now look forward to the night. I love putting up the decorations and getting ready for all the little ones who come to our door to trick or treat. So this year I wanted to start a new tradition for our family and head out to the pumpkin patch. It was also a fab chance to get some snaps of the children. We have an SLR camera which I have mentioned before but we don’t use it half as much as we should so I jumped at the chance to take it with us a practise my skills (of which I have very little!).

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I love this shot of the boys going through the Maize Maze together, I try to get the boy to hold Flixsters hand more often now when they are walking, I especially love how Flixsters pointing at something in this shot.

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We loved spending time looking at the pumpkins growing in the field. Flixster mainly just loved the mud, touching the mud on the pumpkins and walking in the most mud possible. But he is only 18 months old!

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The sun was shining and he was enjoying himself!

There were quite a few rotting pumpkins which the boy loved, being a boy anything gory seems to fascinate him.

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I really loved the visit, being outdoors with the boys, running around, taking photos, looking at all the pumpkins. I think it’s something I’d really like to do every October to kick off our halloween celebrations. A new tradition in our house has started.

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Finding time to Blog

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It’s already been over a week and a half since I last posted on my blog. Life just seems to get in the way. I have so many things I’d like to spend time writing about and documenting, but I never seem to be able to find the time.

I have a full time job and on the days I’m not in work I have Flickster to look after. I also volunteer as a peer supporter at the breastfeeding group each week so that takes up another morning. Then of course there are weekends, which are spent in a spin of washing, cleaning, family time, going out.

I must make more of an effort to spend just a little more time documenting life as a family. I want the boys to have their memories to look through in years to come and my blog is way of doing this.

The other thing of course that takes up a lot of our time at the moment is moving house. It’s really getting quite stressful as we move towards the date we are hoping to move into our forever home, with packing, putting things in storage and sorting through all the clutter there seems to be little time for me ever but I suppose thats standard for mums.

Once we are in the new house though, our forever home I will make more time for me and for making memories for the boys that they will have to treasure forever. But in the meantime I must remember this famous quote…

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Moving House after a Homebirth – Saying Goodbye

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A house is made of bricks and mortar, a home is where memories are made. One of the biggest memories of our time in our current house, if not the biggest was my home birth. My second baby was born in our home, right there in our living room. He took his first breath as I lifted him from the water. The first thing he saw was my face in our front room. He decided to make his way earth side on that day in that place. How can I say goodbye to that place, knowing what happened there.IMG_3561

We bought this house in 2006, it was a new build so we are the only people who have every lived here. It was our first home together as a couple, we have grown together, got married, brought our first baby home here and Flixster was born here. This house holds many many memories for us. We are packing our physical belongings and taking our memories with us but the one thing I’m struggling to physically let go of is the place where the miracle of life and birth happened.

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While we are waiting for the last things to be tied up in terms of the house move, I’m preparing to say goodbye to one spot in particular that will always hold a place in my heart, my second babies birth space.

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In order to keep his very special place marked I have written all his details on a piece of paper with the words “was born in this home”, folded it up and hidden it between the floorboards and the ceiling below upstairs. I know that it’s there and will probably be there now for a very long time to come. It has helped me get ready for saying goodbye to the special place.

So it’s with a heavy heart I will be saying goodbye but as the door closes on that chapter of our memories I’m ready to open the door on a wonderful bright future and turn the page to reveal the next chapter in our memory book.

I can’t wait!

 

 

Childrens Jokes

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So I know that no one will ever find this funny, but I do because it’s so unfunny, and I want to write it down so that I don’t forget all his little moments.

The boy is a keen fan of jokes, I don’t think remotely for one minute he gets them, or understands them. He loves to make his own jokes up and he will say the same one over and over for weeks. I have to laugh….everytime….

On the way home from school today:

Mummy I’ve got a joke for you

Ok, thats great what is it? (Thinking oh no not again!)

What do you call a pork with no eyes?

I don’t know? What do you call a pork with no eyes?

Jurassic Pork! (Cue lots of fake laughter from me, and a whole lot of internal dialogue for myself)

Do I tell him that it’s Jurassic Park not Jurassic Pork? He hasn’t even seen the movie so how would he understand. I  think for a moment, about explaining that its a park with dinosaurs, but will this just scare him?

He tells me that he’s told his teacher…oh great now his teacher has had to fake laugh as well. I try to think about where he’s got this idea for a joke from………a pork with no eyes………..I just don’t get it, I guess I probably never will. I love that boy so much!

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Kitchen Wish List – Husband Guest Post

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We are going to move house soon (if all goes through, fingers crossed, touch wood) and I’m looking forward to having a larger kitchen, our current kitchen is a good size for cooking on your own but it’s not really big enough for cooking as a family and it’s certainly not big enough for all the kitchen gadgets that I absolutely, positively need in order to make mealtimes more technical and science based.

I’ve been spending a lot of time planning for the new kitchen and this post represents my more realistic plans for the new kitchen and I’ve omitted some of the more esoteric, single use gadgets that my wife will never ever let me have…

The Coffee Station

Taking my inspiration from Pinterest, I plan to dedicate a section of the kitchen to a coffee station. Two small children have made coffee a major part of my life and I recently took the decision to reduce the quantity of coffee I consume and improve the quality. I really appreciate a fantastic coffee, and good coffee is worth the effort!

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Wall Art

I love this print which can be found here, it will make it the centre piece of the my coffee station.

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The Coffee Machine

We have a popular coffee pod machine which will be coming with us and it’s great for quick and easy coffee but I’m now looking to have some fun and practice the art of coffee a little more. I’ve been researching coffee machines and after speaking to a Sage representative at the intu Trafford Centre, I’ve decided that the Sage Barista Express is the machine for me. It offers an inbuilt grinder that delivers the right dose of coffee directly into the portafilter and a thermocoil for heating the water and generating steam for the milk giving me an opportunity to try my hand at latte art. Plus it looks good, I like the brushed stainless steel look, and the reviews are great.

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To complete the barista experience, I’ll also be looking to buy a knock box and a stainless steel milk jug. I can’t wait to try and perfect my coffee and latte art!

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The Coffee

We’re big fans of Pact coffee and we currently use their service to provide us with small batch, freshly ground coffee for drinking at work (I use a Hario V60 dripper and my wife has ‘borrowed’ by aeropress), so I can see us adding beans to our subscription as we like the variety that pact gives us.

I’d also like to mimic the espressos served my favourite Manchester coffee houses, so I’ll be buying some Cult of Done espresso as served by Pot Kettle Black and Barnraiser  as served by Grindsmiths and North Tea Power’s Deerhunter house blend.

Knives

I’ve always wanted to own a set of Global knives but I’ve been a bit intimidated by the sharpness and precision of their Japanese steel but I think I’m old enough and proficient enough to now invest in some.

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Knife Block

As much as I love Globals, being a father to two young boys has made me a little more safety conscious and the Joseph Joseph LockBlock is a locking knife block while prevents little hands from being able to remove the knives.

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Chopping Board

I’m obsessed with Joseph Joseph and their innovative approach to design, so I’ve got my eye on their Index chopping boards which are stylish and space-saving.

Fridge Freezer

We’ll finally have space for an american style fridge freezer, this Samsung one is perfect,  and I’m sure the boy will love being able to access chilled water and ice on demand!

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Scales

I like the idea of the Drop scales which link to an iPad based recipe app and I think that fits well in my ‘smart home’ strategy (although I’m not sure about the iKettle)

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Other stuff

I want to make fresh pasta, so I’m going to need a pasta maker and our pots and pans could do with a refresh, why not leave a comment and give me some recommendations? I’ll keep you posted on the progress of the kitchen and I’ll write reviews of all the items listed above as and when we buy them.

An Emotional Start to School

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My beautiful boy has been in school for a week tomorrow. My lovely best friend and buddy has started school and its been an emotional start for him.

The boy is a very emotional little person, he always has been and it’s just him. It’s part of his personality and I love him for it. He shows empathy to other people who are upset or sad. He is very sensitive to being told off. On the odd occasion he would do something not quite right at nursery he’s be distraught if he got told off, even hours later when I’d pick him up he’d cry when the staff would tell me. He’s very tactile and tells me when he’s feeling sad and needs a hug. He’s just a perfect and gentle person (on the whole!) So I knew starting school would be hard for him.

At nursery the staff understood him and how emotionally sensitive he is, they’d hug him when he needed it, I know at school teachers can’t do that. They have too many other things to do and all the other children to consider.

He’s been going into school fine in the morning with no problems but it’s the evenings when the strain on him is showing. Everyday after school once we are home there have been tears and sobbing. It’s been breaking my heart to see him so upset. I’ve tried talking it out with him but I don’t think he has the words to explain it at the moment so just says he doesn’t know why he’s so upset. I love this little guy so much but I don’t know how best to help him.

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(First day, after school shot – hence the untucked shirt!)

I have to remember he’s only just turned 4 (he’s an August baby) and school is a massive change for him. Even though he’s used to long days at nursery, school is a completely different environment and peer group.

I hope dear sweet boy that you can make some friends at school and that you start to enjoy it. I’m sure you will, it’s just going to take time to adjust to everything. It’s a new environment, new peer group and new adults to care for you, new routines, new rules and new lessons to learn.

For now though as always I’m here for you, to hold you and hug you and wipe those tears away. We can get through this together xxxx

 

Time

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Sometimes just sometimes I wish there was more time. I know more time is never going to happen but I can carry on wishing for it. I probably spend too much time doing meaningless jobs around the house and not enough time noticing the world around me.

I don’t spend enough time with the boys.

I’m guilty of spending too much time cleaning the house but in the moment I’m doing yet it feels important to me.

I’d love to have more time to spend exercising and pursuing hobbies or painting, reading or drawing but those times never seem to come.

Other days I just want to turn back time to see your children as little babies again, to relive our wedding day or to speak to people that we have lost. But never a truer word has been spoken when it was said that tomorrow never comes and yesterday is the past. There is only one day and that’s today, so I need to stop wishing for more time and try to make every minute meaningful and have purpose.
I’m back at work doing my usual hours now and have made a real effort to throw myself into every opportunity that comes my way. I want to do as much as possible to be helpful at work and make a change. This has had the surprising effect of making me enjoy work so much more. I’ve turned positives into even more positives.

Breastfeeding Strike

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The last three days have been awful, Flixster has been on a breastfeeding (nursing) strike. It’s been awful. Before the strike started we would feed each morning when he woke around 5am, then sometimes during the day if he asked for it by snuggling into me then often a quick feed in the later afternoon when he was tired, or if we were out and about and needed a little snack, a breastfeed would do the trick and relieve the immediate hunger.

Then all of a sudden he stopped feeding. It was like he’d never ever ever fed from me before. When I offered him the first morning he turned away. I offered again and he bit me hard and then just turned away again. He just wouldn’t feed, but I wasn’t that bothered as I thought I’d just feed him later in the day. But later came and he still wouldn’t feed. By now I just tried not to think about it, I thought the more I stressed about him not feeding the more he’d pick up on it.

As Flixster is now 14 months old my breasts never feel full anymore so I didn’t feel the need to express any milk off to comfort. If you were exclusively breastfeeding it would be advisable to express at normal feeding times if baby goes through a feeding strike so that the strike wouldn’t affect the supply and to avoid blocked ducts or even worse mastitis.

The next day came and went and still Flixster wouldn’t feed, he just kept refusing, turning away, trying to get away, even morning snuggles weren’t persuading him to feed. That was our special time together and now I couldn’t even offer him my milk.

By now I was worrying that this was the end of our journey, I wasn’t ready to stop feeding, inside I was crying. Desperately wishing I’d paid more attention to the last feed we had together, paid more attention to the way he looked at me. The way his tiny hand gently stroked me as I fed him. I’d missed it, I’d missed our last breastfeed together and now it was gone. The chapter was ending and I’d missed it.

By day three I told myself I had to start accepting that it was probably over. With a heavy heart I offered a feed again in the morning and again it was refused.

Today I went along to the breastfeeding group as normal, hoping against hope that if Flixster saw other babies feeding he might remember what to do, might remember our special snuggly morning cuddles. He didn’t, I offered at group and he refused, point-blank refused. I could have cried right there and then. The amazing lady who runs the group suggested I expressed a little milk off and tried to get it onto his lips. I gently hand expressed some milk and dropped it onto his mouth which wasn’t easy with him turning away. At first I don’t think he noticed, I did it again and he licked it off. All of a sudden I almost saw his brain click into action, he turned to me and I took the opportunity to get him into position to feed him. He latched on, I could have cried again. He was feeding, he was actually feeding from me. I hadn’t missed my last feed. I breathed it all in, I gazed at his face. I wanted to kiss his cheek (but couldn’t as I didn’t want him to unlatch!) All thanks to the amazing lady who runs the group I hope that the end hasn’t come and that we can carry on feeding. If it wasn’t for her advice right there and then at that moment then my journey may have taken a different turn.

Later in the day I managed to feed him again and I took a photograph, just in case it was my last ever feed, just in case I never ever breastfeed my baby again, I wanted to remember this very special occasion, from now on I won’t take his feeding for granted. I will be paying attention and enjoying every single feed and I make no apologies for posting my breastfeeding baby picture, he’s my baby and I am proud to still be feeding him. I won’t be aware when our last feed happens but just in case the next one is the last one I’ll be paying attention.

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Artificial Grass on Decking – Project Picnic

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Artificial Grass on decking right outside the back doors is something I had thought about for a while but until I did it I didn’t realise how amazing it would be. I’m always doing jobs around our house, I never feel like I’ve finished decorating, building or doing. As soon as I finish one job its on to the next. This week I’ve started project picnic! I had samples sent out of artificial grass to try on the decking before deciding which one to order.

Artificial Grass on Decking – How I did it

For years after we moved into this house I wanted to have a deck outside to sit on and enjoy the south-facing garden for food, drinks and reading. When I was pregnant with the boy, I put plans into place, ordered the materials and my wonderful father in law and husband built it for me. I loved it. It has a rail around the outside and gates so the boys are safe. When the boy was little I’d rock his pram out there and sit out there in the evenings. We never let him crawl out there as I was worried about him getting splinters. This wasn’t a problem as he didn’t have anyone else to see running in and out. Now that he’s bigger its lovely to throw the door open, let the air and sun come in and let him play in and out. I have the issue now though that Flixster is on the move and is moaning like mad and wanting to go outside too, wanting to follow his big brother so I had to solve the problem of splinters and creating a safe play space. A few weeks ago I thought I’d give some anti-slip paint a try so I bought some lovely grey decking paint and set about painting the deck.

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It looked great and with older children I would have probably left it like that after a second coat, but the paint didn’t solve the problem. Poor little Flixsters hands and knees were still getting hurt on the wood. So I looked around at various options, mainly on pinterest (which I absolutely love!) and came across the idea of artificial grass. At first I wrote it off as a daft idea, I thought it would look strange. But the more research I did the more the idea was growing on me. I liked the idea of walking straight out of the door onto the soft green grass no matter what the weather was. I shopped around and decided to get some samples to help me choose. I went for a mid priced grass and ordered a 4m x 4m piece large enough to cover the deck. It arrived within 48 hours of the order which was great and delivery was free.

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I did my research and found out that to put the artificial grass down on decking boards you just need to make sure the deck is treated and obviously flat. Then all you do is cut to size and screw it down onto the boards using green decking screws.

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The boy was excited to stay up and help (which is why he is in his pjs for the photos!) We rolled the grass out (exactly like a carpet) cut it to size with a knife and hubby screwed it down with the boys help.

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Just like that within half an hour it was down and looked great, I don’t know why I ever doubted that it would look good. I’m so pleased with it and would recommend it to anyone with children who wants a safe non slip alternative on top of decking. Here’s hoping for many sunny days where we can picnic out on our forever green grass!

Artificial grass on decking artificial grass on decking IMG_4951The final thing I want to do is paint the rail around the edge. I’ve bought some lovely cornflower blue paint which I hope will go well, I just need some nice light dry child free nights to get it all done!