Dearest Baby,

Our last week together has begun. I know all too soon time will pass and it will be over. My maternity leave will be coming to an end and I’ll be back to work. You don’t even realise it’s happening.

We’ve been together for 9 months. From the moment I lifted you up from the birth pool we’ve been a team. (If you want to watch the birth or read about my other home birth then click here or here)

You’ve had to fit in with your two older brothers. You were thrown full force into family life and you’ve been amazing.

As our time together comes to a close I’m trying to be happy and not sad. Happy that we are both starting new chapters in life. My new chapter is a new job and a new role. Your new chapter being separated from me and going into someone else care during the day.

You’d think being my third baby that it would get easier. But leaving you with someone else thats not family or friends is always hard. I know you’ll get upset. I know there will be tears, but we can do this. We both have to be strong. Given time you’ll settle into a new routine. You will get used to the new faces and who is who. I just need to trust it’s for the best.

I’m still breastfeeding you so I’ll make milk for you whilst I’m at work and given it to the people looking after you so that you can still benefit from all the good stuff. Hopefully you’ll take it ok from a bottle. If I could not be separated from you I would do it another way, but I can’t.

For now it has to be this way. I need to get back into something that will challenge me, something rewarding. I am looking forward to work but my heart will always ache to be with you as you are still so little. Just like I still miss your brothers whilst they are at school.

Days may seem long for you at first but I promise mummy will return. I’ll return to scoop you up and hold you in my arms at the end of every day. I’ll still be there at bedtime. You will be back with everyone in our home each night.

You can do it little dude.

Mummy will miss you but it’l be ok.

Just remember mummy loves you unconditionally forever and always xx

Summer holiday day 1 is over, well it’s over in so much as the boys are in bed…for now! I have housework and other things to do not to mention any other stuff that I’d like to do, or thats needed doing for a while!

When I was a child, I remember thinking that 6 weeks summer holiday was amazingly long and would last for ever. As an adult with my own children, I’m pretty much thinking the same about summer holiday but for a very different reason!

Childcare in the Summer Holiday

Nursery continues as normal on my work days, but with no school for the summer I’ve had to find a holiday club for the boy. Still only 4 and still so small and vulnerable. I hope he’s ok at the holiday club. He often takes a while to settle into a new setting. The staff don’t know him, they don’t know his little quirks, how he likes reassurance over things. I’m trying to prepare him for it but I’m not sure he knows what to expect. It’s somewhere that has been recommended by other mum I know so I just hope its right for him. He’s mentioned already that he’s a bit worried as he doesn’t know where the cloakroom will be. He doesn’t realise I’ll spend the whole day worrying and thinking about him, wondering if he’ll find someone to play with. Worrying that he won’t know where the toilets are, or who to ask if he needs something. What if time passes really slowly for him and he just spends ages wondering when I’ll be back. I hope he finds someone to talk to.

The best thing would be that he settles in quickly and has an amazing day. I really hope he does, but he’s still my baby. Still finding his feet in school let alone a new setting.